I was watching a battery commercial where there were kids in the hospital and they were playing with toys run by that 'brand' of battery. In that commercial was a little boy that looked about 10 sitting in a hospital bed and playing with a remote control truck and just smiling and laughing so big.. it took me back to the Christmas we spent in Childrens Hospital. You would think it would be a traumatizing event..and it wasn't fun- don't misunderstand me..but it was pure.
What I mean by that is the staff in the hospital did so much to make it look all Christmassy..did their very best to be 'extra cheerful and positive'..there were groups that evidently had donated all kinds of different things, toys, crafts, books, etc... they had carts and would push them into each child's room on the isolation/oncology floor. The kids would get to pick out a few 'new' things to play with. I remember watching them roll the carts in and my son sat up so excited with that big dimpled grin on his face.. I remember him looking at me with those wide, blue, sparkling eyes and jumping off the bed to get to the carts...as if it was HIS Christmas morning.. I remember watching in adoration as he picked up toys and things and looked at them- trying to decide which three he would get.. leggos?? remote control truck?? books?? Spiderman art kit?
No.. he picked up a princess barbie and a baby doll..I remember him turning to me and saying "Since you can't take me to the store I want you to take these home and give them to Ella (his personal nickname he'd given his 4 year old sister)..tell her I love her and I wish I was there".. for the third present I encouraged him to get something for himself- and he picked out this awesome art/drawing kit on Spiderman & DC characters. I remember his eyes searching mine for encouragement and approval..and I remember saying "I think you may need to wrap those for her honey- what do you think?" and the sadness was 'passed over' so we could focus on making her presents look super special. He was always very artistic and he kind of designed his own wrapping paper by piecing different ones together and making her gift tags very unique.
The hospital gave him a blood transfusion to boost his counts and we were lucky enough to be able to go home on Christmas Eve- and I remember how happy he was to be able to put those presents under the tree. He was SO excited to see her open them..
On Christmas morning when she was opening them up- she of course loved the baby doll- and when she opened the princess barbie she said "Oooh!!" and she didn't want to take it out of the box!! She loved it so much- that she didn't want to have her hair messed up. (Her dad & brother collected action figures- and even at 4 she knew that leaving it in the box meant it was super special..lol..) she still has it.. The gift of the giving and the message of love in that gift- is monumental to us all.
I remember that following January- my 29th birthday.. he had to have emergency shunts put in his kidneys- and I was alone at the hospital when they rushed him in for the procedure. I dropped on my knees shaking so badly and praying so intensely..I can only imagine what the casual passerby must have thought of me.. much later on when he came to and had processed things he was almost crying because I had been alone and it was my birthday. Of course he was reassured that all that mattered to me was that HE was with me- and we would celebrate it later. In the next few days he drew me the most special birthday card and I carry it with me in my wallet every day. It says "Don't expect a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.." and you open it up and it says "Because for 29 years of goodness..we got you a pot of LOVE".. very clever for a 10 year old!! Baby- that's all a momma can ask for.. thank you..
By Mothers Day - he was not doing well at all. We were still in the hospital. I had gone to a brief meeting with the medical team on the next round of radiation that we were going to try - and when I got back to his room his bed was empty. I had seen all those movies of the mother running around panicking and always swore "I" would never act like that.. however- I did.. that 'where is my son' answered with--no one knew.. I stayed calm though.. I focused on the fact that we had been at that hospital nearly a year- so many staff in so many departments on all floors- knew us.. he would be recognized.. my chief concern was that if he was out of bed for long...well- he didn't have a lot of strength...
so the elevator dings and he comes sliding his IV tower out in front of him and shuffling toward me- and I can tell he's tired. He hides the gift bag behind him and I helped him into the bed while being very stern in how he CAN NOT do that to me again. He said he had to go down to the main floor to get something and asked if I could step outside for a minute. He had used some money family had given him, and had gotten me three things for Mothers Day.. he got me a white puppy stuffed animal- because he wanted me to have something to cuddle with when I slept on the window/bench by his bed, he got me a stuffed monkey that we named Benny - and he helped me hang it on the jeep rear-view mirror when we went home from that trip, and a keychain that says "Believe".. which we hooked around Benny's neck on the mirror.. he felt so accomplished and proud of himself. I was so happy to see him like that and every time he would look at me on our trips back and forth to St Louis the monkey was with us on the mirror... and we'd include "Benny" in on our conversations.. "Benny is getting sick of this jeep ride" or "Benny says we need ice cream"..and 7 years later- Benny is still with me in my jeep. Benny will stay with me.
I miss my son. I could know what he was feeling without words. To say our souls were the same..or linked- would be a very fair statement that any who knew us would agree on.. I remember the day he was 6 and came in from a boy hitting him & knocking his glasses off- he was trying not to cry..and Lord knows- I don't like to fight either.. but I folded his glasses up for him and he looked up at me with that questioning look.. and I said "Go knock his lights out- I'm watchin ya babe"...he trudded out there and stood up for himself..and when the boy pushed him again- he punched him square in the nose.. the kid was 2 years older than him, and laid there stunned.. I brought them both out ice cream...and they were best friends from that day until he passed away..
I can only imagine the impact he would have made in all his years on earth- but I have SEEN the impact he has made in the very FEW years he was here on earth..and his pure heart and loving nature...people still tell stories of how pure his love was..
I'm blessed to be able to be happy 90% of the time- even when I am thinking of him and missing him. While telling of these memories yes- I may have shed tears- but through them I was smiling in love. Brought on tonight..from a battery commercial.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Holes
I've heard the expression said that "There is a hole in your heart that only God can fill" and I can understand that.
I would follow that with there is a hole in your heart that only certain people that you love can fill- whether it's loves, friends, family, or your children.. without those people that you have come to hold so dear and rely on in your daily life.. things seem less full. There is that black abyss hole where that person once filled--- with laughter, memories, things you would look forward to together.
We all know life can be fulfilling in so many areas- but missing those loves now gone .. that is a hole that no one else can fill.
In one sense, it's poetic justice- because that shows the highest value you hold that person- yet on the other hand the most intense pain- that at some times- is so difficult to handle I almost wish it had never been..almost.
Do I choose to focus on the holes? No...I keep busy, but there is always a dull nagging ache. The missed communication, shared laughter, jokes, stories- just being a part of 'life' together..But for tonight...tears fall... the holes are there- unfilled.
I would follow that with there is a hole in your heart that only certain people that you love can fill- whether it's loves, friends, family, or your children.. without those people that you have come to hold so dear and rely on in your daily life.. things seem less full. There is that black abyss hole where that person once filled--- with laughter, memories, things you would look forward to together.
We all know life can be fulfilling in so many areas- but missing those loves now gone .. that is a hole that no one else can fill.
In one sense, it's poetic justice- because that shows the highest value you hold that person- yet on the other hand the most intense pain- that at some times- is so difficult to handle I almost wish it had never been..almost.
Do I choose to focus on the holes? No...I keep busy, but there is always a dull nagging ache. The missed communication, shared laughter, jokes, stories- just being a part of 'life' together..But for tonight...tears fall... the holes are there- unfilled.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What drives you?
Today was one of those days where at the end of it I have just enough left to say "WOW"..
I guess it goes back to Saturday. Saturday a friend had a free nights stay at the Crowne Plaza reserved, and unexpectedly needed to go to a funeral. She didn't want it to go to waste-so asked if I wanted to use it. I thought about the insanely stressful week I've had--ABSOLUTELY! My daughter and I grabbed a friend of hers-- and up we headed! We got to Springfield about 2, checked in, changed and headed to the mall. Now, anyone who knows me knows I truly hate shopping. But I had my daughter and her friend with me- and they wanted the MALL! lol.. so we went. What drove me on going there? Wanting to make her happy.. It actually went pretty well- I got a few things for her, hubby & friends and then made some calls lining up volunteers for the Angel Tree. We went to eat at Lonestar..that's one of my absolute favorite restraunts! What drove me there??.... making ME happy! :-) The waiters were putting these pitchers of ice above me on my booth wall and the girls kept holding their breath and all wide eyed waiting for it to tip on me.. I'd hold my breath and hold really still- they were laughing so hard!! There was this cute young man serving that the girls were giggling over. My daughter said "He's too cute for me to ask his name." and I said "Whoa!!There is no reason to not be confident in yourself to NOT ask a question." (Now keep in mind, my beautiful daughter has just now spent all her money at the mall...and we are heading to the bookstore next. The Bookstore is one of our favorite places.) So I said, "I dare you to ask him 2 questions. Each question is worth $2.50... you ask him what his name is...and you ask him when his birthday is." She mulled this over the rest of the dinner, and kept looking at me. I'd raise my eyebrow and smile and say "It's totally up to you hon." On leaving, she went up to him and asked him both questions...he was surprised but answered both and at the end she said "thanks!!" and hightailed it out of there. What drove her? Money.. what drove me? Boosting her confidence. We went to the bookstore and then back to the Crowne. We decided to go swimming and spend time relaxing in the hottub. What drove me? The desperate need to finally relax! When we got back to the room and were ready for bed, we rented Salt on ppv..was a great action flick but iffy on the story. What drove us to do that? Boredom. lol..
This morning we woke up to one hell of a blizzard. It was blowing like mad out - and I knew when we got on the highway- we were in trouble. That was a scary ride home. Visibility was nil - at best 30 ft and at many times 10 ft. Every few miles there were vehicles in the ditches.. I was so scared I would do something wrong. I got off at the Raymond exit thinking I know the roads and if I needed there were friends at certain distances I could go to. The road was shutoff by troopers and there were 2 semis jacknifed, 4 cars in ditches and even a firetruck in a ditch. The police let me through but with the vehicles spread out - I literally couldn't see where to drive. I sat there for a few minutes scared to go forward - fearing I'd end up off the road and in a ditch myself..and also scared I'd be plowed into from behind...what drove me? Fear.
The girls were quiet the whole way and I would catch my daughter watching me intently and her concerned looks in the rearview mirror..and I'd give calm directions on where I needed her to keep eyes out and give a calm smile.. 'it will be just fine'.. inside I was terrified- but what drove me? Hiding it & wanting her to feel safe. That ride home it really hit again that although she's a teen that 'doesn't need mom' most of the time (which is fine- I encourage her independent thinking)....she looks to me for safety and security still- when it hits the fan- I'll be there calmly reassuring her & being strong for us... until I can be that puddle of goo..
What would normally be an hour drive, ended up being a 2 hour drive- but I took that "slow and steady wins the race" mindframe. My daughter may have had to pry my hands from the steering wheel when we got home- but we made a great team- they watched behind me to let me know if a car was coming out of the blizzard to hit my back end and I watched the front. We had been home about 30 min. and I got a call for help to get a friend from a stuck car back home. My jeep and I are known to not stay down long in town..So I went and got her and took her home..what drove me then? Concern..
Later in the afternoon I went to the Angel Tree pickup...we know how desperate these parents get on pickup day. Usually they are in line for HOURS before we open the doors. We have explained to them all over and over..your bag is NOT going anywhere- we have each bag specifically designed for the child's needs.. but when you are in the 'needy' or 'destitute' category- the system is always worked out for that "First come first get" mentality. Desperation drove us & them to get there- and my team and I opened EARLY to get them in and HOME safe as soon as possible.
Out of 250 kids- all but 20 parents came on a blizzard day. Where hwy 16 and 127 were closed- because it was so bad...they were scared their kids wouldn't get the things they needed- and they came anyway. We have another pickup day scehduled for the other parents.
We got so many "God bless you"'s ... a woman came up and hugged me and said "My kids couldn't have Christmas without you doing this." and we even had another couple give us a Christmas card with a note of thanks inside it.. I got so many hugs and almost crying moms that day.. hope drove them there..and hope will drive them home... now THAT is what it's all about. Overall- that right THERE is what drives me.
Even writing this blog- in a way is about what drives me. Keeping some form of contact with people who aren't in my 'everyday' life...
So for a few days..just think about this.. what drives you? The 'What' and 'Why' may change- but being driven...nope..that never will..
I guess it goes back to Saturday. Saturday a friend had a free nights stay at the Crowne Plaza reserved, and unexpectedly needed to go to a funeral. She didn't want it to go to waste-so asked if I wanted to use it. I thought about the insanely stressful week I've had--ABSOLUTELY! My daughter and I grabbed a friend of hers-- and up we headed! We got to Springfield about 2, checked in, changed and headed to the mall. Now, anyone who knows me knows I truly hate shopping. But I had my daughter and her friend with me- and they wanted the MALL! lol.. so we went. What drove me on going there? Wanting to make her happy.. It actually went pretty well- I got a few things for her, hubby & friends and then made some calls lining up volunteers for the Angel Tree. We went to eat at Lonestar..that's one of my absolute favorite restraunts! What drove me there??.... making ME happy! :-) The waiters were putting these pitchers of ice above me on my booth wall and the girls kept holding their breath and all wide eyed waiting for it to tip on me.. I'd hold my breath and hold really still- they were laughing so hard!! There was this cute young man serving that the girls were giggling over. My daughter said "He's too cute for me to ask his name." and I said "Whoa!!There is no reason to not be confident in yourself to NOT ask a question." (Now keep in mind, my beautiful daughter has just now spent all her money at the mall...and we are heading to the bookstore next. The Bookstore is one of our favorite places.) So I said, "I dare you to ask him 2 questions. Each question is worth $2.50... you ask him what his name is...and you ask him when his birthday is." She mulled this over the rest of the dinner, and kept looking at me. I'd raise my eyebrow and smile and say "It's totally up to you hon." On leaving, she went up to him and asked him both questions...he was surprised but answered both and at the end she said "thanks!!" and hightailed it out of there. What drove her? Money.. what drove me? Boosting her confidence. We went to the bookstore and then back to the Crowne. We decided to go swimming and spend time relaxing in the hottub. What drove me? The desperate need to finally relax! When we got back to the room and were ready for bed, we rented Salt on ppv..was a great action flick but iffy on the story. What drove us to do that? Boredom. lol..
This morning we woke up to one hell of a blizzard. It was blowing like mad out - and I knew when we got on the highway- we were in trouble. That was a scary ride home. Visibility was nil - at best 30 ft and at many times 10 ft. Every few miles there were vehicles in the ditches.. I was so scared I would do something wrong. I got off at the Raymond exit thinking I know the roads and if I needed there were friends at certain distances I could go to. The road was shutoff by troopers and there were 2 semis jacknifed, 4 cars in ditches and even a firetruck in a ditch. The police let me through but with the vehicles spread out - I literally couldn't see where to drive. I sat there for a few minutes scared to go forward - fearing I'd end up off the road and in a ditch myself..and also scared I'd be plowed into from behind...what drove me? Fear.
The girls were quiet the whole way and I would catch my daughter watching me intently and her concerned looks in the rearview mirror..and I'd give calm directions on where I needed her to keep eyes out and give a calm smile.. 'it will be just fine'.. inside I was terrified- but what drove me? Hiding it & wanting her to feel safe. That ride home it really hit again that although she's a teen that 'doesn't need mom' most of the time (which is fine- I encourage her independent thinking)....she looks to me for safety and security still- when it hits the fan- I'll be there calmly reassuring her & being strong for us... until I can be that puddle of goo..
What would normally be an hour drive, ended up being a 2 hour drive- but I took that "slow and steady wins the race" mindframe. My daughter may have had to pry my hands from the steering wheel when we got home- but we made a great team- they watched behind me to let me know if a car was coming out of the blizzard to hit my back end and I watched the front. We had been home about 30 min. and I got a call for help to get a friend from a stuck car back home. My jeep and I are known to not stay down long in town..So I went and got her and took her home..what drove me then? Concern..
Later in the afternoon I went to the Angel Tree pickup...we know how desperate these parents get on pickup day. Usually they are in line for HOURS before we open the doors. We have explained to them all over and over..your bag is NOT going anywhere- we have each bag specifically designed for the child's needs.. but when you are in the 'needy' or 'destitute' category- the system is always worked out for that "First come first get" mentality. Desperation drove us & them to get there- and my team and I opened EARLY to get them in and HOME safe as soon as possible.
Out of 250 kids- all but 20 parents came on a blizzard day. Where hwy 16 and 127 were closed- because it was so bad...they were scared their kids wouldn't get the things they needed- and they came anyway. We have another pickup day scehduled for the other parents.
We got so many "God bless you"'s ... a woman came up and hugged me and said "My kids couldn't have Christmas without you doing this." and we even had another couple give us a Christmas card with a note of thanks inside it.. I got so many hugs and almost crying moms that day.. hope drove them there..and hope will drive them home... now THAT is what it's all about. Overall- that right THERE is what drives me.
Even writing this blog- in a way is about what drives me. Keeping some form of contact with people who aren't in my 'everyday' life...
So for a few days..just think about this.. what drives you? The 'What' and 'Why' may change- but being driven...nope..that never will..
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Gestures
Gestures- tonight I sit at home and relax - which was totally unscheduled. Tonight was going to be my last night working Angel Tree- I had to 'check my list twice' and make sure all bags are accounted for. But one of my 13 yr old daughter's very close friends woke up this morning and found his mom had passed away from some heart issues--very unexpectedly. My daughter and I found out today- I at work, and she at school... I figured she wouldn't take it well- and I was right. It brings back many painful memories for both of us on that intense loss of someone so precious to you-and the mourning process that someone we care for is now going to go through. She got in the car after volleyball and we hadn't pulled out of the lot before she was struggling not to cry. She brought up my heart issues from a few months back- and how she's now scared I'll be gone- she wants me to go back and make sure I'm ok.. and she "couldn't think", so I pulled over and we talked, cried a bit, and hugged a lot. The words of "Honey, I'll be fine" can't be said. Because her and I know- first hand- that there are no guarantees. I can say- "I'll be here as long as I am able- and that she ALWAYS has my love- no matter where I am..and that's why we need to try to make a difference while we are here." And that she makes a difference- an impact on those around her also. She stands up for those bullied, she doesn't 'make out' with boys, she focuses on grades and sports..most importantly- because of HER I make choices every day that are positive. Ones that I want her to follow my lead on.. being caring, strong, sensitive, funny..and also not allowing bad treatment of yourself... or others around you.
Angel Tree would wait for tonight.. we curled up on the couch and talked about what her friend is feeling..and how she is in a unique position to understand where he's at- and be a good friend while he goes through this.. and then we tickled and laughed and talked about boys and college and friends.. precious gestures..
She was talking about how she knew how overwhelming everyone wanting to tell her friend how sorry they were was going to be for him..that he feels like he's in a world that isn't real right now..and gestures came to my mind.. a kind word..a gesture of hope.. of understanding.. of courage.. if you think about it everything is a gesture of some kind or another. Even a pet nuzzling your arm for attention, letting a car go first at an intersection, things said in conversations..
It can be a good gesture - or a bad gesture. A sarcastic look- ignoring someone..bad.. along with that interpretation of gestures.. not assuming the worst and giving the benefit of the doubt when you can..not judging harshly but trying to be understanding of the person's feelings and situation.
Speaking of, Monday I got a call from a mom on my 20 neediest families list. She was trying not to cry and asked me if I could come over and talk. I told her I'd like to but literally couldn't. I've been jam packed busy. So I said I had a few minutes- how are things going?.. and she started crying. Turns out her and the kids hadn't had heat for 3 days- and it's damn cold here in this area. She didn't have $100 for the electric heaters needed to heat each room...and had called her caseworker- no programs open anymore for getting a furnace working again. So I said I'd call her back and made some calls. I found someone to do a free service call (that way if the cost for fixing the furnace was too much we could apply the funds to room heaters), and found a program that would pay $100 to the need determined by the service call. The service guy said it was the blower motor, and a relay, with 2 hrs labor to fix it. The total would be $200 to get working heat for them again- ($100 from my program and $100 from the one I found). With monetary donations that I've received- I was able to say "Fix it." They had to sleep another night in the kitchen with their coat gloves & hats on and the oven door open- but they knew it was the last night- it would be warm and normal again at home tomorrow.. Tuesday the service guy fixed the two issues- and the mom called me that afternoon- again - trying not to cry- but this time with thanks and asking if she & the kids could go to church with me. She's been working the programs I've connected her with- and I have seen improvement in the lives of her and the kids in the 2 months I've been involved with them. All gestures...positive ones..
Today I got a call from the school..they had a 13 yr old girl that counselors, school administration and a guardian are trying to help.. evidently there is a mom that's 'off her rocker'- and the girl is staying with the guardian. I guess it's not safe for this girl to go back to get her clothes right now- she had the jeans and shirt she was wearing and that was it. The school/counselor/guardian are trying to keep the girl out of the foster care system while the guardian does the necessary steps to make things legal. They heard around town of my "Boost" program I'm trying to kick off, and called for help. They said the guardian didn't have the money to get the girl a weeks worth of clothes to hold her over- she's going to be paying for food, school meals, Christmas, etc. The school was hoping someone could help them and bring clothes to the office tomorrow- so she won't be wearing the same outfit 2 days in a row. So a friend and I went to a resale shop here in town, it didn't have the sizes we were looking for...so we went the next town over.. found 3 pr jeans, 5 shirts and a jacket.. total was $56 (not bad, ey?- but on one 'case' for the Boost program- well, we weren't sure if we should spend that much).... We didn't realize who the owner was at the time- but she overheard us talking about making the most of the money we had and asked why..so we shared the girls situation, the program we were trying to get going, and the school's request. She cut the bill in 1/2 and asked to be added to my list of resources to contact!! A gesture here, a gesture there...a gesture of hope and understanding. Tomorrow when I drop the clothes off- the gesture to that girl is that there's hope. She's not alone. She has school officials, counselors, strangers- pulling for her. This could be a defining turning point in this teen's life. Up or down... hope or despair. today has been a day of wonderfully special...Gestures..
Angel Tree would wait for tonight.. we curled up on the couch and talked about what her friend is feeling..and how she is in a unique position to understand where he's at- and be a good friend while he goes through this.. and then we tickled and laughed and talked about boys and college and friends.. precious gestures..
She was talking about how she knew how overwhelming everyone wanting to tell her friend how sorry they were was going to be for him..that he feels like he's in a world that isn't real right now..and gestures came to my mind.. a kind word..a gesture of hope.. of understanding.. of courage.. if you think about it everything is a gesture of some kind or another. Even a pet nuzzling your arm for attention, letting a car go first at an intersection, things said in conversations..
It can be a good gesture - or a bad gesture. A sarcastic look- ignoring someone..bad.. along with that interpretation of gestures.. not assuming the worst and giving the benefit of the doubt when you can..not judging harshly but trying to be understanding of the person's feelings and situation.
Speaking of, Monday I got a call from a mom on my 20 neediest families list. She was trying not to cry and asked me if I could come over and talk. I told her I'd like to but literally couldn't. I've been jam packed busy. So I said I had a few minutes- how are things going?.. and she started crying. Turns out her and the kids hadn't had heat for 3 days- and it's damn cold here in this area. She didn't have $100 for the electric heaters needed to heat each room...and had called her caseworker- no programs open anymore for getting a furnace working again. So I said I'd call her back and made some calls. I found someone to do a free service call (that way if the cost for fixing the furnace was too much we could apply the funds to room heaters), and found a program that would pay $100 to the need determined by the service call. The service guy said it was the blower motor, and a relay, with 2 hrs labor to fix it. The total would be $200 to get working heat for them again- ($100 from my program and $100 from the one I found). With monetary donations that I've received- I was able to say "Fix it." They had to sleep another night in the kitchen with their coat gloves & hats on and the oven door open- but they knew it was the last night- it would be warm and normal again at home tomorrow.. Tuesday the service guy fixed the two issues- and the mom called me that afternoon- again - trying not to cry- but this time with thanks and asking if she & the kids could go to church with me. She's been working the programs I've connected her with- and I have seen improvement in the lives of her and the kids in the 2 months I've been involved with them. All gestures...positive ones..
Today I got a call from the school..they had a 13 yr old girl that counselors, school administration and a guardian are trying to help.. evidently there is a mom that's 'off her rocker'- and the girl is staying with the guardian. I guess it's not safe for this girl to go back to get her clothes right now- she had the jeans and shirt she was wearing and that was it. The school/counselor/guardian are trying to keep the girl out of the foster care system while the guardian does the necessary steps to make things legal. They heard around town of my "Boost" program I'm trying to kick off, and called for help. They said the guardian didn't have the money to get the girl a weeks worth of clothes to hold her over- she's going to be paying for food, school meals, Christmas, etc. The school was hoping someone could help them and bring clothes to the office tomorrow- so she won't be wearing the same outfit 2 days in a row. So a friend and I went to a resale shop here in town, it didn't have the sizes we were looking for...so we went the next town over.. found 3 pr jeans, 5 shirts and a jacket.. total was $56 (not bad, ey?- but on one 'case' for the Boost program- well, we weren't sure if we should spend that much).... We didn't realize who the owner was at the time- but she overheard us talking about making the most of the money we had and asked why..so we shared the girls situation, the program we were trying to get going, and the school's request. She cut the bill in 1/2 and asked to be added to my list of resources to contact!! A gesture here, a gesture there...a gesture of hope and understanding. Tomorrow when I drop the clothes off- the gesture to that girl is that there's hope. She's not alone. She has school officials, counselors, strangers- pulling for her. This could be a defining turning point in this teen's life. Up or down... hope or despair. today has been a day of wonderfully special...Gestures..
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Watching Miracles Form
This is by far the best time of the year for me. If I could do what I do from Nov/Dec all year- I would be happy a HUGE percentage of the time... I am trying to slowly make it to where that is EXACTLY what I do year round.
I run this program called the Angel Tree program.. my fourth year now... this year there are about 250 kids on this program- in this school district that easily qualify. We provide an outfit of clothes, a book, art something or other, and 3 toys. Not much when you think about it- but for so many- all they will get under the tree to bring them smiles.
Some examples of miracles/small wonders from last year... there were cases where a woman would come by and say "I saw this Easy Bake oven and something told me to buy it" ...the next day I get to application number 217 and the little girl asked for one... or a mom who has lost BOTH her sons- finally felt that this was the year to call me and ask if there was a request for 'wrestling action figures' ..and guess what...yes- there were TWO boys that requested that.
Then there was the day that stuck with me all year- that I absolutely loved sharing with those that were the closest to my heart... the day with the doctor. The doctor wanted to give an experience to the neediest kids in my program. He wanted to take these kids shopping at stores and malls and let them just GET clothes.. not from the Salvation Army- not from garage sales- but from STORES NEW.... That morning I had no idea what I was going to experience. I picked up the three girls from their home- which was the country living version of the projects. The dad is raising them- on his disability. We made small talk as we drove to St. Louis and as we crossed the bridge over the river - the 8 year old started getting scared and asked if we were going to another country. It never crossed my mind they hadn't been out of the town...
The 13 year old that day had never been to the mall and been on an escalator.. she was terrified she would fall.. and we went up and down that escalator about 13 times- no joke. lol.. I wanted her to be totally confident if she ever was lucky enough to go with her teen friends...not embarressed. She was a larger girl and I remember when we were trying clothes on for her she looked at me and said "I didn't know they made 'cool' clothes for a girl like me"...
The 6 year old girl had to use the bathroom and so we all went in.. she watched her sister go in and then the automatic flush came on.. and the little girl was plastered up against the wall almost crying- because she didn't want it to suck her down. All the coaxing and bribing would not get her back in there. I had to talk to the maintenance man we ran into and find out where an 'old fashion' one was that had a handle to push down for flushing. We eventually found one..
They had never had a gumball out of the gumball machine..so they got two..lol..never had a Mighty Kids Meal from BK..and thought it was the NEATEST thing that they got to take the glasses home with them(that happened to be Twilight at the time haha) and boy did they talk! So animated and excited. I think the majority of the day the Dr and I were looking at each other in discreet dismay and laughing at the excitement of the kids. It was a day of wonder for both of us- as well as the kids.
That same 6 year old ran up to me and hugged me a few months back, because the Angel Tree lady was goin to get her some Christmas presents again this year - and she was wearing one of the outfits we had gotten her that day almost a year ago.
I don't say this to judge the parents- so many are living what they know out here in the corn fields- which is bare survival. Jobs are so few out here- it's parallel to the inner city with factories that are shut down- the few jobs in the area are now even fewer...the scraping by is now pulling by the fingernails to try to make it a few steps.. then there are others who by their mistakes/issues- they aren't able to provide the way most 'normal' parents can.
I remember when I was little- we were very poor. and I remember being probably about 7 or 8..and we had no money for snow boots. I actually never owned a pair of snow boots until I was an adult on my own- but anyway- my mom would have me walk to and from school - quite a ways- with the plastic wrapper that bread would go in over my shoes and rubber banded above the knees. I remember about 4 kids that would always wait for me and throw snowballs and say things to me on the way home. I remember trudging up the hill and the plastic slipping on the slick snow and me trying to not cry- because the tears would be so damn cold on my cheeks. I had no gloves and couldn't chuck those snowballs back- because it would be so cold it would hurt my hands. And I remember thinking it would serve them right if I just turned around and with my hands in my pockets just started rolling....and rolled down that hill - and I would just get more and more snow around me until I was this HUGE snowball that would run RIGHT over them and SQUISH them!! (Hey- I had a good imagination for a little girl- lol). I know how hard it is to grow up poor.
The deadline for my program was Nov. 15th. And of course- I don't enforce that too strictly. I had a mom call me over the weekend and added her two kids- one 13 yr old girl and a 3 yr old boy. When we got to the need part- she said "I'd love for him to get a snowsuit so I can play in the snow with him for the first time"... after church on Sunday a friend came up to me and said "I have a snowsuit that's been barely used by my son- could you use it even if it's not brand new for the Angel Tree?"...to which I replied "Why yes ma'am I can- I know exactly where it will go."
I had another lady email me last week and say "I have a toddler mattress if anyone needs it" so I added it to my list of "Boosts ready"... going over the applications I found one that is a woman fleeing a domestic violence situation- and she got her kids and got out. What does she need for her 3 year old? Yes... a toddler bed.
This Saturday I go with the Doc again...and I can't wait to see what the kids are like this year and how we can re shape how they view the world on that day.
I am starting something extra in my community called "A Boost"- where year round my goal is to have lists ready and resources going. And if there is a family in need- I'll to try to give them that "Boost". In dream world as a not for profit organization- but for now- I will be happy and complete working on one miracle at a time.
We all make a difference-- like fingers... alone- they function pretty darn well- but when you use them and then intertwine with other fingers as needed..they not only function but they feel warm, are secure and fit.. what we all- big adults and small kids- aim for.
I run this program called the Angel Tree program.. my fourth year now... this year there are about 250 kids on this program- in this school district that easily qualify. We provide an outfit of clothes, a book, art something or other, and 3 toys. Not much when you think about it- but for so many- all they will get under the tree to bring them smiles.
Some examples of miracles/small wonders from last year... there were cases where a woman would come by and say "I saw this Easy Bake oven and something told me to buy it" ...the next day I get to application number 217 and the little girl asked for one... or a mom who has lost BOTH her sons- finally felt that this was the year to call me and ask if there was a request for 'wrestling action figures' ..and guess what...yes- there were TWO boys that requested that.
Then there was the day that stuck with me all year- that I absolutely loved sharing with those that were the closest to my heart... the day with the doctor. The doctor wanted to give an experience to the neediest kids in my program. He wanted to take these kids shopping at stores and malls and let them just GET clothes.. not from the Salvation Army- not from garage sales- but from STORES NEW.... That morning I had no idea what I was going to experience. I picked up the three girls from their home- which was the country living version of the projects. The dad is raising them- on his disability. We made small talk as we drove to St. Louis and as we crossed the bridge over the river - the 8 year old started getting scared and asked if we were going to another country. It never crossed my mind they hadn't been out of the town...
The 13 year old that day had never been to the mall and been on an escalator.. she was terrified she would fall.. and we went up and down that escalator about 13 times- no joke. lol.. I wanted her to be totally confident if she ever was lucky enough to go with her teen friends...not embarressed. She was a larger girl and I remember when we were trying clothes on for her she looked at me and said "I didn't know they made 'cool' clothes for a girl like me"...
The 6 year old girl had to use the bathroom and so we all went in.. she watched her sister go in and then the automatic flush came on.. and the little girl was plastered up against the wall almost crying- because she didn't want it to suck her down. All the coaxing and bribing would not get her back in there. I had to talk to the maintenance man we ran into and find out where an 'old fashion' one was that had a handle to push down for flushing. We eventually found one..
They had never had a gumball out of the gumball machine..so they got two..lol..never had a Mighty Kids Meal from BK..and thought it was the NEATEST thing that they got to take the glasses home with them(that happened to be Twilight at the time haha) and boy did they talk! So animated and excited. I think the majority of the day the Dr and I were looking at each other in discreet dismay and laughing at the excitement of the kids. It was a day of wonder for both of us- as well as the kids.
That same 6 year old ran up to me and hugged me a few months back, because the Angel Tree lady was goin to get her some Christmas presents again this year - and she was wearing one of the outfits we had gotten her that day almost a year ago.
I don't say this to judge the parents- so many are living what they know out here in the corn fields- which is bare survival. Jobs are so few out here- it's parallel to the inner city with factories that are shut down- the few jobs in the area are now even fewer...the scraping by is now pulling by the fingernails to try to make it a few steps.. then there are others who by their mistakes/issues- they aren't able to provide the way most 'normal' parents can.
I remember when I was little- we were very poor. and I remember being probably about 7 or 8..and we had no money for snow boots. I actually never owned a pair of snow boots until I was an adult on my own- but anyway- my mom would have me walk to and from school - quite a ways- with the plastic wrapper that bread would go in over my shoes and rubber banded above the knees. I remember about 4 kids that would always wait for me and throw snowballs and say things to me on the way home. I remember trudging up the hill and the plastic slipping on the slick snow and me trying to not cry- because the tears would be so damn cold on my cheeks. I had no gloves and couldn't chuck those snowballs back- because it would be so cold it would hurt my hands. And I remember thinking it would serve them right if I just turned around and with my hands in my pockets just started rolling....and rolled down that hill - and I would just get more and more snow around me until I was this HUGE snowball that would run RIGHT over them and SQUISH them!! (Hey- I had a good imagination for a little girl- lol). I know how hard it is to grow up poor.
The deadline for my program was Nov. 15th. And of course- I don't enforce that too strictly. I had a mom call me over the weekend and added her two kids- one 13 yr old girl and a 3 yr old boy. When we got to the need part- she said "I'd love for him to get a snowsuit so I can play in the snow with him for the first time"... after church on Sunday a friend came up to me and said "I have a snowsuit that's been barely used by my son- could you use it even if it's not brand new for the Angel Tree?"...to which I replied "Why yes ma'am I can- I know exactly where it will go."
I had another lady email me last week and say "I have a toddler mattress if anyone needs it" so I added it to my list of "Boosts ready"... going over the applications I found one that is a woman fleeing a domestic violence situation- and she got her kids and got out. What does she need for her 3 year old? Yes... a toddler bed.
This Saturday I go with the Doc again...and I can't wait to see what the kids are like this year and how we can re shape how they view the world on that day.
I am starting something extra in my community called "A Boost"- where year round my goal is to have lists ready and resources going. And if there is a family in need- I'll to try to give them that "Boost". In dream world as a not for profit organization- but for now- I will be happy and complete working on one miracle at a time.
We all make a difference-- like fingers... alone- they function pretty darn well- but when you use them and then intertwine with other fingers as needed..they not only function but they feel warm, are secure and fit.. what we all- big adults and small kids- aim for.
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