Saturday, July 16, 2016

so close

40 min ago I was getting ready to sit down & write letters to those I love. I still probably will. But after a talk with my Dad- who told me to focus on the next 2-3 days & no further...and my adopted mom who told me I'm free- and I deserve better- to let go & let God & MOVE. I said "What if I regret moving?" she said "What if you regret staying?" I seem to love those that either can't, don't or won't love me back. From my child to my ex, to friends. Not all- by any means- but right now- 2 very hurtful situations are going on. I have got to figure out either how to get out of the position I am in & my feelings of hopelessness or follow through & go to see my son. At this point I'm going to read my Bible, tomorrow I'm going to the gym, church, & a concert w a girlfriend.. Monday I've got a few hours of work & then Tues I may go to a support meeting. I am worth better than what I have been getting from the 2 I love the most in this world. I am worth more. I don't want hate, negative, games, to be used or a convenience. I had that. I want to be valued. I'm either so close to the edge & falling over or so close to seeing something better. For now I set goals of 2-3 days at a time...that's as far as I can plan on being here for now. So close.

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