I was thinking of sharing my thoughts on a subject and oddly enough the word that kept coming to my mind was "Epiphany".. that's what I feel I've had over the last 6-9 months or so. Ironically the definition of Epiphany is : 1. a Christian festival, observed on January 6,commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day. 2.an appearance or manifestation, especially of a deity.
3.a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.4.a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight. The last 2 definitions would be fitting..
Here's what I find ironic.. my epiphany is over the thoughts on religion/God that I've adjusted. In itself- saying that brings fear of blasphemy. Do I believe there is a higher power at work? Yes. Do I believe everything in life is just a 'big bang'? No.
But over the last (almost) year I find offensive the 'Christian' religion, which I'm sure is where the CYA religious saying of 'Don't focus on religion-focus on RELATIONSHIP with God' comes from. It's bothered me a bit for years, but more so this year. I can not relate the Scriptures with the majority of Christian followers' actions. The intolerance and hate inciting towards various groups in our society ranging from the poor to those just different in various ways... The ideas of "What would Jesus do?" "Love thy neighbor" "help each other" "Be nice" all the ideals portrayed in the Bible are not what I see from this wide group of 'believers'. As I started noticing that, I started looking into facts on other religions, ranging from the Native Americans (who I've always held dear on their principles/way of living), Buddah, Allah, God, etc. I feel there are amazing & similar ideals in 95% of the religions. While the Christian/God version has the best resource (Bible) it also has been altered from the Human race to advance agendas. The fact that chapters written of Scripture have been left out (and very hard to buy/find), and taking into consideration the language barrier/different meanings on interpretation - leaves it...not 'unblemished'. Is it better to take what we can and use it to the betterment of our minds? Absolutely!! Will I NOW take what I can from ALL belief systems and combine it into a Rhapsodyramble way of living- ABSOLUTELY. Am I excited to not be so constrained and able to be LESS imposing (or feel like a failure on 'spreading the gospel')? YES!
I've always had issue with passing judgments on others and acting like my way was the only way- hence the opinionated way I address issues in Bible Studies & conversations.. I'm focusing on not being narrow minded. I don't feel the Christian way is the only way. I feel that's a very unChristian attitude. I've had an issue for years on the idea that I'm suppose to go up to people and witness to them that their belief is wrong, and if they don't want to burn in hell they need to change their feeling and follow only 'my God'. I believe if there is a higher power he created ALL of the nationalities, ethnicities, cultures, and had a hand in the creativeness of each group. I don't believe he would be so cruel as to create all that has been - and then with the beliefs in each culture damn so many cultures immediately. I personally feel that's the human- especially American way of "I know better than you" and superior attitude we have with so many nations.
I think back on all the atrocities committed in the name of 'God' and imposing beliefs- and the hypocrisy that holds. Even now, fellow church go-ers come to church showing pictures and talking about their 'mission trips' to other countries and how they had such a God Experience...yet here- in our own country, in our own COUNTY they are selfish, unhelping, judgmental people. There are children in this area who could be positively affected by the actions these people do for 4 days out of the country- but that would take living the principles they claim to follow longer than a few days.. so yes I may be jaded right now- but it's because I'm seeing that the world is not quite so Black lines, White lines, clear cut right way, wrong way.. it's more of a bunch of gray swirlies mixed in and out of the black and white.. and every other color splashed into it.
So where do I stand? Not as secure in my faith in God, but that there is a bigger picture than I originally was seeing. Do I believe in Heaven? maybe.. could it be a second life somewhere? maybe.. reincarnation? who's to know? I'm not an enlightened being..I'm a searching one and one that's much happier inside with my new thinking.
