Less Than a Few

Here it is, nearly 4am and I'm under a blanket on the couch with the curser flashing on the computer. I lay down to sleep so tired and find I'm then wide awake needing to write words out. What? You may ask..no clue...yet.. maybe my heart?

Mean thoughts are very rarely there. I've faced some things in the last year that I can say most would not react rationally. I have discovered that there are 'less than a few'-- I can wholly trust my soul with. I continue to hold true faith & trust in those 'less than few'..for to not do so, would repeat a mistake I promised I would not make a second time.

I am a big picture person. The temporary thought 99.9% of the time most would choose- I do not. I truly believe in not being the only one that thinks the way I do- there has got to be more out there that feel similarly..however I do not confide my mind's workings to but 'less than a few'- it does not work out..again I go back to true faith & trust. nothing more/nothing less.

Normal does not apply in my heart. Only the extra-ordinary meaning behind such simple words that carry positive meanings.

For example a friend finds no value anymore because my life choices are less fun... Or a woman I've admired for so many years as an amazing motherly example removes the connection. I hold no malice. I'm deeply sad. I'm hurt. Confused. Let down. But they need not worry about any betrayal of confidence...I do not hurt others because I'm hurt. I just miss them.

I remain sad wishing for happier times. I am on a road with hope in the 'less than few'. I have learned however that I need to hope quietly. More times than naught I hear the echo of my plea return empty. Those I love I love forever and that loyalty will always move me to attempt only what would bring them happiness. A gift of what maybe they look for & I can provide. Confidence, respect, love, admiration, laughter. Sometimes being me does not work well for me but I know no other way to be.