Is God Real?

I'm going to address a taboo subject- because it's been a rough week and kind of need to vent. I'm going to let you into the inner working of my mind and welcome any comments or outlooks.. I haven't had a Rhapsody Rambling in a while..

Is God real? Just by this question (in essence of me claiming to be a believer- and now questioning it-) if I were to say I think he's not- I'll be committing the worst sin possible. The only unforgivable sin. But hear my frustrations out...

There is one side of me that says "No question in my mind. There is too much beauty and purity in the world. This couldn't have all just come from cells reproducing over millions of years.. there has to be a grand creator that watches over all of us. Everything in life is based on good verses evil.. life and death... positive and negative.. there is NO way possible that someone could have written a book so genius that applies still to this day so perfectly. There is factual evidence that supports the Bible. There are miracles that occur that can't be scientifically explained. You can be a total non believer and when tragedy strikes you will be on your knees praying hard- why? Because it's an internal impulse to the core of what we really are inside.

There are 'impulses-intuitions' that are said to be the Holy Spirit guiding you. I understand the theory of 'because there is so much sin in the world there is suffering, pain, etc.' I understand that according to God our ultimate purpose is to serve him in the best way possible- holding fast to the attributes that Jesus encouraged... my personal favorites are 1 Corinthians 13 and Galatians... I personally rely on scripture to help other people and for strength myself. If I had to choose one thing I could have on an island- other than a man I would love, I would choose the Bible. I think the Bible is an invaluable tool of resources, poetry, fables, advice and wisdom to use. It seems in-comprehendible that someone in that time period would have that type of skill or depth of knowledge- especially that the Bible was written by numerous people over MANY years- writing for God.

Then there is the other side of me that says "If there is a God and you have a good heart- why do you have such intense, painful struggles. Life is life- sure- but some are so well off and so bad- while others are barely keeping their chins above water and they have such miserable lives- yet stay so positive" Science can't be refuted..some scientific evidence doesn't equate with the information in the Bible. There are discrepencies that do bother me. #1- I find it discouraging that some people- no matter how hard they try to move forward- make little or no progress. I find it hard to understand that good makes such slow progress- talk about an uphill battle- while malice makes such quick, strong progress. However, I find it encouraging and think that it also defines character to NOT give in... #2 I believe that if there is a Heaven- that there is a lot of symbolism that people use from the Bible- that's not actually the way it is. I don't believe the streets are 'gold' and that you are happy to just 'Praise God'.. I think that gold was important when those books were written- so that's the motivation used. I don't think that 'God' would give a rats ass if the streets were gold.. I think it would look like Hawaii... or maybe for each person it would be different. When that book was written the idea of being able to praise God was a very new freedom and the mere idea of that was exciting and new..I believe that you praise him at times- but that also that we DO see and get to enjoy our loved ones- and just FEEL peace..time stands still for the most part. #3 I find it hard to understand or believe that God feels if one was to lie or steal a pack of gum that it is the same weight of murder or molestation in sin.

I CHOOSE to believe so that I can look forward to seeing my son- and I want to hold him again. I don't think that changes when I get there (that I wouldn't care anymore about that). I do think that they get to have some sort of interaction in our dreams.... and if that's not the case - then our minds cope by bringing them back in our dreams. The belief in God in itself- and everything that rolls into that- may be a way for our minds to cope and our subconscious to act the way we feel led. Is it God or 'common sense'? Who truly knows? By the time you know- you're dead. Then you're either dead and you never wonder again about it- or you are rewarded or punished for your beliefs.. either way- a tiny bit to late.

What is the difference between faith and hope? To me they are one and the same..the same as love and compassion.. both are hand in hand and interchangeable..

How much does God control (if he's real) and how much is fate...just life? If I get a parking lot space that's up front or get all green lights on the way home- is that God shooting me an extra boost for that time period? Or does God step back and let us live life and then step in and guide us with the tougher decisions? Does God inspire me to have Chicken alfredo for some reason or does he give freedom of choice and enjoy watching us be independent like we do with our children?

I believe that organized religion in itself is doomed to fail and actually pushes many away from God. I believe that there are so many hypocrites and judgemental people in the church, that the alcoholic that has the urge to go in the church and listen- wouldn't. That the woman who has low self esteem and is promiscuous will not go find out how to use the Bible's wisdom to become a stronger woman. The Bible was written origionaly in Latin- and through translation can be misconstrued. There are also chapters that have been 'deemed improper' and left out of the book. They are so hard to find- and if you find it- best keep it from the Church.. because that's not an 'approved part of the Bible'.. That in itself is a sin- if it's a true representation from God. I think organized religion is manipulative. I think the 'church' through out history has used religion as a crutch to justify vicious bloodshed, and greed. That is hypocritical to what the basis of the good book is- yet it's so common...
On the other hand- I am very blessed to be a part of a fantastic church. The good intentions are over bounding there. We are able to be helpful to many in need, and I do believe that we make a difference. The church family is a group of people that offer help - that no one else in the community will give. They have love and compassion that is unequal to any other 'group' of people I've known.

How do you balance the two? My version is twisted and complicated...and Biblicly speaking- totally wrong.. I personally believe in things that are against God's word. I believe that if you are a good person- and there is a Heaven that you will be admitted. I believe that if you are 'saved' but yet do nothing to help others, are a hateful person- then you in effect have only said 'the words'- and are not truly saved...the non believer is more Christ like and by that act alone is admitted. I don't think that if you don't say 'specific words and get baptized' you will burn in hell for eternity. I believe that each culture has a "God" and "Jesus"..I believe for instance that Buddha is the Jesus of that culture.. I believe the Native Indians had it right- they just divided it up differently..etc. I don't believe it's my place to 'judge' others beliefs! IF there is a God then it's only HIS place to judge- but yet that's one of the most preached about subjects (on how we have that job to 'conform' or 'transform' others religions to our own.. which in my mind goes back to the organized religion and 'filling the coffers'.

Is there Heaven? I think we need to believe that to be so. I know I do. I need to feel there was a purpose for my son's suffering and dying. I need to feel that by his sacrifice- and my daily pain and ache for my son that others saw purity- strength- faith- trust in the Lord- and that brought many to God.. that was my son's path. That now- I do what I can to bring others to lean on God- why? Because either way it hurts nothing.. if it's true then they will benefit in their daily life by building up their character and focusing on the good qualities we humans have. If it's not true- then it hurts nothing and gives them a source of strength and guidance that otherwise may never be felt. Why do I go to church- organized religion? mainly because it's a safe haven for me... to not be criticized, to sing songs that give me hope, to hear inspirational & motivational speeches...to meditate and pray to a higher power, to be a part of a group of people that are for the most part- GOOD.

Is "belief in God" just the minds need to cope with reality of life? Perhaps. Is it the minds way to find some balance in harmony and calmness? Perhaps. Is that ok? yes..

In the end I ask myself this...does it matter? Either way- really? Does it?

No..it doesn't matter... the book helps guide me and gives me daily peace.
It's a tool that I use to help others and inspires them. It's what we need to have an 'end goal' in site.. that if we don't have heaven to hold onto- we may fall into pits of despair. The Bible is our checks and balances for our lives..We humans need constant motivation to march on- and this is the ulitimate reward described.. However, the Bible says we must truly believe with no doubts if we are going to get to Heaven- we can't be a fraud "Christian"... and the yoyo goes back up to say "I'm not a fraud- God knows my heart- if he's real that is.. he knows how desperately I want to believe and that deep down- when the grade card comes in- I'm on his team."